A letter to Grayson

It is so hard to believe that one year has gone by already. Where does the time go? Words cannot express how much I love you little boy. There are so many wonderful things about your personality that make you such a special person.

I cannot explain the fear that I felt when I saw you for the first time- I could tell something was wrong. They whisked you from me and over to a little table in the corner of the delivery room, and then before I knew it whisked you down to the NICU. A few hours later I was able to hold you for the first time, and from the moment I held you in my arms, struggling to get your breaths regulated, I knew you were a spirited individual. You are such a fighter, even when I wish you weren't (Like when we are trying to change your diaper or clothe you). You are stubborn and strong-willed, just like momma- you are my child, of this I have no doubt.

You have always been such a happy child. I have never seen any baby behave as gleefully as you do. your smiles are contagious, everywhere we go you brighten the lives of family, friends and strangers alike.

You are so loving. My favorite moments are when you crawl into my arms and nestle into me- though those moments are brief, as you are quick to get back to whatever activity you were doing, they are small little highlights that brighten any day.

You have touched so many lives, and you have only been with us for one year. Your extended family adores you, we can all spend hours just watching you play. You love being chased around the room, you find that hilarious, and you love cars more than any other little boy I have ever met. You love playing with toy cars, driving in the car, watching cars drive by be it on your walks with Mom and Dad or from the windows in our home. You love turning other inanimate objects into cars. If you are reading a book that even has a small car in the background of the illustration you point to it and make your infamous car noises.

You love music, and love to dance. Your favorite shows have music in them, if there is no music you are not interested. When we ride in the car together you try to sing with me as we listen to my favorite songs.

You are more than I ever expected, more than I ever deserved. I hope that I can continue to learn and grow as you do, to be the best mom for you I possibly can. Be patient with me, I am trying my best to do everything I can to make you happy, to help you feel safe and secure, to help you know that you are loved and wanted and needed.

I know you are going to be a great big brother, in that I have no doubt. I am so happy that I can provide you with a sibling, someone to get in trouble with, to share joys and heartaches with, to live and learn with. Some of my favorite memories are with my siblings, we have had such a special bond, and I hope that you can have the same quality of relationship with your siblings.

Most importantly, I want you to know that you are mine, that I will always love you, but that I share you with someone most important. I know that you are a child of God, you are the sweetest, most good-natured child, I know you are a gift to me from him. I thank him everyday that you came into my life, I can't remember life without you- you are so dear to me. I look forward to more smiles, laughter and joy in our home every day all because of you, my dear sweet Grayson.

Love,

Mama