Life is so fragile. The events of the last few months have really taught me this. I have watched some very good people leave this mortal realm far too early and unexpectedly. I think the most important thing I have gleaned from this is that family is my number one priority, and I am going to do everything I can to make sure that my loved ones know that they mean the world to me. I would hate to regret an unkind word I had spoken, or to wish I had expressed more deeply or often my affection and gratitude to those around me. The thought of losing someone dear to me is unbearable, I cannot imagine how I would begin to deal with the grieving process if I thought that I would never see that person again. The one thing that gives me great comfort, particularly now as a mother who worries constantly about my little boy, is that this life is but a small glimmer in the eternities.
I do not preach very often, or at least I try not too. One of my many flaws is that I am scared of sharing my testimony with those who do not want to hear it, even though they may need it the very most. I wish I was more brave, and stronger, but I suppose that will come with more experience and more time. However, it would be selfish of me not to share my testimony on this principal, as I know there are so many around me who are struggling right now with loss, with heartache and with so many unanswered questions.
I know with every fiber of my being that families can be forever. Even more now as a mother I know this principal to be true. I have felt the smallest fragment of God's love in having a child, and it was overwhelming. I know that God lives, that his son Jesus Christ died for us. I would go to my grave testifying of these truths. Gods love is infinite and boundless, such a God would never break apart a family, that is why I know families are eternal. I know with my whole heart that Scott and I, if we work hard enough, can gain all of the blessings and gifts our Father in Heaven has to offer. I want so much for my son to stay strong in this church, I have witnessed personally the sadness and darkness that can fill a person's life, and the church is the way back into the light. It is the only true way to obtain lasting happiness. We live in a world where religion and family values are mocked at every turn, I myself once cringed at the idea of being "just a mother." But I love it, there is nothing better than being a mom, having this sweet little individual in my home, he is my everything, and I thank God everyday for the knowledge he has given me of eternal families, because if I were ever to lose this little boy, that would be the only principal that would keep me going. I witness to you that this is a true principal, it is as true and sure and real as the ground beneath our feet.
People will say this is a silly notion and that I am a silly person, there are so many in this world who ground all of their faith and humanity in laws of science and logic. It is so sad how great truths and beliefs get twisted, and how some of the smartest among us can be the most blind. It saddens me that so often religion and education seem to fight against each other like oil and water, when really they walk hand in hand.
I love this church, I know it is true, I promise that this is the everlasting gospel, that Jesus lives and loves each and every one of us. I know that families are forever, that this life is merely a test, a very hard and difficult test, but when we reach the other side and we are greeted with eternal happiness- these sour, twisted, horrible moments will fade away into the past, they will be a small pain compared to the joy and glory that await us. I cannot express how much I love this gospel, there are questions that I do not have answers for, there are things that I struggle with, but I cannot deny the testimony that I have been given, it is so strong and powerful that I cannot deny the existence of God, I cannot deny the existence of our Savior, and I cannot deny that the blessings and ordinances of the temple are real. They are very real. I hope if you do not have these same beliefs or knowledge of the truth that one day you can, because without them the world truly is not as bright or hopeful, most days it is the only thing that keeps me believing in good, in a hopeful and love filled future.
I love you so much my dear dear family, my dear friends- you are the only thing that matters in this life, every thing else is trivial. I try my best everyday to be the best mom, wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter, cousin and friend that I can be. I know I fall short in so many areas, and I hope you will all pardon me in this, I am trying my best, but my priorities have changed so so much in the last few months, and I hope that you can understand that what I do with my life and how I live my life is simply me trying my very best. I hope that when I take my last breath in this life I will feel like I did everything I could for those around me, that I leave with no regrets. I am trying my best to be that person, who never says an unkind word, or thinks an unkind thought. I am trying to live so that I give more than I receive, so that I love more than I am loved and so that I can touch more lives than have touched mine. I am working on being stronger, I am working on being braver and I promise you that I am doing so through this gospel.
Life is short, life is brief, there is so much beauty to be found, but you have to be in the right places and searching for the right things. Family is one of those beauties, and I am doing everything in my power to make sure that I have the best family in the world, one full of love and life and light- because I can promise you, Family is the only thing that lasts, and it is the only thing we get to take with us, but we do get to take it with us, and I thank God every day that families are forever.