Dreams...I have Dreams...When I'm Awake...When I'm Asleep

The last few months have been really interesting at our house. As many of you know, Scott has had a really hard time deciding what he wants to do for a career. When we were first married he though maybe he would be an Elementary school teacher. Later, he really latched on to Psychology, and was certain he wanted to have his own practice, but after some hands on experience decided that he wasn't cut out for that line of work. More recently Scott went back to school to pursue a Mathematics Education degree. My husband is a very smart man, however, it has become apparent that Math just isn't his thing. It is not that he is not intelligent enough to learn the subject, because he most certainly is. Math is not his thing, simply because, he does not enjoy it.

Scott and I have always had the same philosophy on careers. We are not in them for the money. First and foremost we need to make enough to survive on, obviously, but other than that, we want to be able to love what we do. The more we talk to people in the current career field Scott has been pursuing, that of High School educator, we have decided that particular avenue may not be the best for us. It is honestly really scary listening to the current climate of that career field. I think that teachers are hands down the most valuable people in our society, do not get me wrong, and it would be a very worthy career for anyone, but the more we have looked into it, it simply is not for us.

Bottom line, Scott has decided to apply for a big boy job. He has his sights set on a job I actually used to have, and which I loved. It had been really hard for me to leave that job, and over the years whenever Scott has gotten discouraged about his schooling or other career aspirations I have always, partially joking, said, "Well, you should go work at ____." About one month ago, Scott approached me and told me that he had been thinking these thoughts for awhile, but that he wanted me to tell him more about the job at ____. I told him what I had done while I was there, where I had hoped to go within the company, how wonderful the company was and how well they took care of their employees. I secretly had always hoped he would eventually get to this point because I had thought to myself, well, if I cannot work for this great company (because I am already at a super awesome company that works better for my circumstances- Thanks Jen!) then maybe Scott can someday. Bottom line is, Scott applied! I was so excited. There are not any openings at this particular moment in time, but we are both keeping our fingers crossed that something comes through in the next few months.

Those of you who know me, know I tend to get easily excited about dreaming about the future, even one that is only slightly possible at this moment in time. I LOVE to plan out my life. Well, this new turn in events has me hoping that soon I can actually have the grown up life I always wanted, which means a house! FINALLY, a place of our own where we can settle down and stop with the crazy transitional phase we have been in since we got married. This has led me down all kinds of avenues, from looking at available homes, to dreaming of building, to talking with some connections of mine about renovating an old home, etc. The possibilities are endless and I am just so excited.

I have been a Pinterest and Zillow fiend the last few weeks. Here are some of the things I have found that I want in my dream home, enjoy dreaming with me :)

KITCHEN

I want wooden countertops- love this, and makes for one big cutting board!

Pantry with lots of organization!

love the L shaped island with eat in seating

Love these open storage spaces, as opposed to a bunch of cabinets

could make these kinds of drawers in the pantry

 

LAUNDRY/MUDROOM

 



I love the storage, the simplicity, and the colors in here!

 

 

 

Master Bedroom

Love the built in desk and armoire

 fun colors that both sexes can appreciate



love the seating and table added to this room

 

GRAYSON's ROOM

 

 Love the under the bed storage

 Fun wall décor, of course G mans would be car related

 Great built-in desk and wall storage

The perfect G man headboard

LYLA's ROOM

 Bunk beds would be so fun, I always wanted them as a kid

 Cut color scheme, not a huge fan of pink personally, but this is cute

cute easy little place for storage and sitting

OTHER FUN ADDITIONS

BACKYARD





Where is the love?

I am sure that these ramblings will spark a fierce debate and several unkind and unwarranted comments if I do not begin with a disclaimer. The following is simply my personal belief statement, something I live by. I am not asking you to change your ways, or to conform to what I think is a higher life path, and whether or not you choose to listen or ignore the following is on you. I welcome friendly and lighthearted discussion meant to create a more open-minded atmosphere and instigate cordial conversation. If you cannot keep your comments to a courteous and considerate tone, then you are welcome to stop reading now.

We each walk a different path in life. It is impossible to predict what personal obstacles someone has overcome in their time here on Earth. I could easily make some assumptions about a person from the way someone talks, what they choose to wear, what they put into their body, what they put onto their body, what their education level is, etc., but those assumptions would likely be stereotyped, vastly unkind and most importantly, wrong.

Each day I am becoming increasingly more distressed by the way that we treat one another, the things we say about different groups and classifications of people, and the apathy that is beginning to permeate every thicket of society. Several political discussions and hot topics in particular have led me to wonder, where is the love? Where is the concern?

Rather than trying to get on the same level as someone and truly understand their circumstance, we make a snap judgment and categorize them, we lump them into a societal stereotype that has no sound foundation. We look at the cover of the book, decide it is worth nothing, and toss it aside- out of sight out of mind. Everyday we overlook the suffering of others simply because we have decided that their circumstance is their own doing, and is what they deserve.

For example, we see a young boy who wants to graduate high school and pursue additional accolades, but he is failing all of his classes. Some will say that if that young boy wanted to do good in school and pursue higher education, then surely he would just work harder, which would get him better grades and then he could get into the college of his choice. If he can't afford it, then he should just work extra hard and perhaps then he could get an academic scholarship, he could get a job and take out loans, etc. We assume that because we have done something similar it should be just as easy for that young fellow to take the same path. We assume that everyone has had the same ideal circumstances that we have and that everyone comes from a family who support his educational pursuits, who make sacrifices for him to attend school, who encourage him to work hard and get good grades.

In this example, we have not bothered to get to know this individual or his personal circumstance, we have reflected our own experiences onto him and assumed that his situation is due to a life of laziness and of his own doing. Perhaps this young boy comes from a single-parent home, as nearly one-third of American children do (according to the 2010 US Census).  Perhaps this boys Mother has three jobs, and is doing her best to support her family, but because of this need is never home. Perhaps the responsibility of being the parent has fallen on this young mans shoulders, and instead of doing his homework every night, he is doing his best just to feed, bathe, protect and care for his siblings. Perhaps he has a learning disability that makes school especially difficult. Perhaps he is so bullied and demeaned at home or at school that he simply cannot concentrate or has convinced himself that he is worthless and will never achieve anything meaningful.

The skeptics reading this are at this point thinking, “Oh, please. The majority of people in this situation certainly do not have these kinds of odds stacked against them. You have presented me with an example of such an extremity, that of course I agree with THIS particular example, but what you are saying is just one scenario. There are dozens of other possibilities, and we cannot be certain that this is what is occurring. It could just as possibly be that he does not do his homework, and instead plays video games, and therefor fails his classes. If he goes on from here to get a $8 job at McDonalds and works till his last day on Earth over a fry vat, that is not my problem.”

There are so many other examples out there of suffering, many much worse and degrading than the example I posed. From a global perspective, even the most impoverished American has a life much more enriching and meaningful than some of our Brothers and Sisters living in third world countries. I am not arguing that we make political social reform movements, wage wars to end tyranny, suffer the rich to distribute their wealth more equally amongst their friends, neighbors and employees, etc. I am simply asking that we all start thinking a little bit more on what is going on around us, the changes that are happening in our society, the apathy that is corroding our hearts and minds and ask ourselves why we do not seem to care that someone else is in pain, and even more so, why we feel so little responsibility in changing that?

I do not care what choices someone has made to put them in a pitiful position. I do not care if they chose a life of poor decisions and sad stories. What I care about is what I can do to help. I am not going to look down upon them or turn a blind eye. Neither would my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I am a Christian. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The last, and most dear to my heart ,of my religion's Articles of Faith states:

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men...”

I want to reiderate:

It does not state doing good to all men who have worked hard.

It does not state doing good to all men who believe the same things you do.

It does not state doing good to all men who are good themselves.

It does not state doing good to all men who deserve it.

It simply says do good to ALL MEN. We do not get to pick and choose. We should have concern and compassion for all men. We should work hard to lift each other and support each other in our burdens, even when someone brings the sorrow upon themselves.

Stop worrying about what someone has done, what they are doing, etc. and worry about yourself and what you should be doing to help. Stop being selfish and greedy, if you have more than you need, then work to give back. Stop judging one another and start loving. Support each other- as crazy as that sounds.

In my religion we believe that we all lived together for an eternity before coming here to Earth. I think about that a lot. I look at strangers in my path and wonder, if it is possible, that we were near and dear to each other in the life before this mortal realm. In my religion we also believe that after this life we will return to that same eternity from whence we came, and that the veil that has allowed us to forget our former existence will be lifted, and all of those memories, in addition to the new ones we have made in this life, will be available to us once more. I often wonder which dear friends of mine are clad as strangers in this world, and what we will think of one another once we return home to our Heavenly Father. Will we be able to look at one another without shame, and to feel joy that we, without knowing our dearness to one another, were still able to act as a friend would? Or will our hearts be consumed with regrets that we did not take a moment to reach out in brotherly kindness, without malice or judgment?

“Because I have been given much, I too must give. Because of they great bounty Lord each day I live. I shall divide my gifts from thee, with every Brother that I see, who has the need of help from me.”

In this season where we either reflect on Christ, or where we allow ourselves to be clouded with selfishness and want, I hope that we can choose Christ, and live as he does. I hope that we can work harder to give without question or concern. I hope that we can stop worrying, unlike the workers in the bible parable “The Parable of the Workers,” that our brethren who have not been working as long or hard or as valiant as we have, can still receive some of the same amenities and privileges that we have earned. Life is not about fairness, if that was the lesson you think we were sent here to learn, you are gravely mistaken. There is nothing fair about the life our Lord and Savior lived. He lived a perfect life and sacrificed everything for you and for me. The least we can do is try our best to share our bounty with those less deserving of it, because in the end, that is what he did for you and me. We are infinitely less deserving of his sacrifice, of his love and of his offering. Yet every day he extends his hand to us, lifts us from our burdens, and loves us.

If I am truly striving to be his disciple, to live my religion, then I too must do the same, without question or judgment, and I hope that you will join me in doing the same.

Stretch Marks

She is here, my sweet baby girl made her arrival at 11:52 on Tuesday September 10th, 2013. She is perfect, she is more than I could have ever expected or wanted. She is so mild mannered so far, sleeping most of the day away. She took to eating like a champ, we have had very little issues with breastfeeding. I have to pump a TON, but that is pretty common for the first few weeks for most moms.

I noticed the stretch marks I was getting on the underside of my belly around 34 weeks. I did not get a single stretch mark with Grayson, so this was something new. Surprisingly, I didn't really care. Typically I am vain and this sort of thing would really bother me, but I just didn't care, and let me be clear, this wasn't just one tiny stretch mark, I have a whole colony of stretch marks that start at my belly button and work their way down, I would say there are about 10 in all, and some are almost 5 inches long. Now that my belly is starting to return to normal I can see what things are going to look like, and it is definitely different, but I don't find them ugly. I doubt I will be showing my belly off to the world any time soon, as I know that they are not something others would find appealing, but I am still proud of them in an odd way. It is a private thing, not something I will flaunt or showcase, but in a personal setting, I am okay admiring them and what they mean to me.

Each of those lines is a special little love mark for my children. I have the most perfect children in the world, period. I could not have been more blessed, or gotten more lucky, and if having a few little marks on my belly is the price I needed to pay, I feel that was more than a bargain. I cannot even express how much I love these two little kids, they mean the world to me. Being a mother is such a wonderful blessing, I feel so privileged to be able to be one.

The delivery went really well. I would say that labor is the easiest part of the entire pregnancy/motherhood experience. We went to the hospital just after Midnight on Tuesday. I was having contractions regularly but they weren't strong enough, so they started me on pitocin. They kept me because I had a lot of fluid, and I mean A LOT of fluid, so baby girl was just floating around and not engaging in the pelvis like she should have been. The scary thing about this is that because of this, there was a high risk that when my water broke, the cord would drop down below the baby, cutting off all of the vital, life-sustaining components it provides to the baby, which is a very bad thing. They didn't want to send me home and risk having this happen, so we took action, and the doctor made sure that this did not happen. It wasn't until they broke my water that I was really able to make any progress- the pitocin did nothing, ha ha. Let me just note too that I had heard SOOO many horror stories about pitocin and that it was SO AWFUL, but they had me on the highest level that was allowed, and that was before I had the epidural, and let me tell you- it was not that bad. I naturally have pretty strong and long contractions that pile one on top of the other though, at least that is what I had with Grayson, so perhaps that is why it wasn't so bad. From the time they broke my water to the time I was ready to push was about 2 hours. Baby girl was posterier just like her brother, so the nurse called Dr. Craig to see if she wanted to try to turn the baby. When the doctor arrived Lyla was already crowning, so we pushed. It took about 12 minutes and she was here- super super fast, and SO EASY. I mean seriously, it was not hard at all, I feel really lucky. I didn't tear like the first time, I didn't swell up like the last time- the second labor ROCKED. Recovery has been so so easy, the baby was healthy and did not have to go to the NICU, I mean seriously I cannot even tell you how lucky and blessed I feel.

I know that there are some women who generally have terrible labors, and everyone is different, but let this be my second testimonial that not all labors are bad. When you read the horror stories, read mine too, and know that you have just as good a chance of having this kind of labor as any other. Even with a posterior baby, which is supposed to be much more difficult, things were still a cake walk.

I now have two children, two perfect children. Grayson, who is so full of light and love. He is the most joyful and happy child- his giggle is the best noise in the world, and it is my background music for most of the day. He gives Lyla about 30 kisses during the day, he just wants to kiss and kiss and kiss her. He makes this little "mwah" noise every time he kisses her. It just melts my heart, he is going to be the best big brother. Only time will tell me what Lyla will be like, but so far she is just a chill little jelly bean, sleeping and sleeping the day away. She doesn't cry really, if she needs something it is more of a little yell, and so far that just means, "feed me!" She is so beautiful though, and she fits into our little family so perfectly, and I know she is going to be someone special.

There have been many times that Scott has asked me if I wish that I had done things differently in my life, if I wish I had gone on a mission, wish I had pursued a career in broadcast, if I am still happy I married him, etc. My answer is always the same. I would not change a single thing, not even the smallest details. I would not risk altering anything, because my life is more than I deserve now. Imagining a world without my two perfect children is unfathomable, and absolutely heart breaking. Everything in my life has led up to this moment, and I am so grateful that this is where I have ended up.

I love my little love marks, I am grateful for the sacrifices I have made to be where I am today, and there have been a lot. I have stretch marks both on my body and in my life, sacrifices that I have made to have these two perfect angels, but I do not reflect on these things with disdain. I am proud of them, and while the world may not think that my stretch marks are pretty, or that the sacrifices I have made as a young and intelligent female are worth the price of motherhood,  I can look at these little love marks, these acts and symbols of sacrifice, and feel nothing but satisfaction and pride.

Welcome to our family little Lyla, you perfect little 7 lb 8 oz, 20.5" package! You are more loved than you will ever know, more wanted than words could ever express, and I promise to do right by you, to be the best Mom that I can and know how to be.

My favorite day so far this year

Growing up, we went to many ball games. It is one of my most treasured childhood memories. My dad has always loved baseball, and so I can remember several occasions of attending games growing up, hot dog in hand, cheering on the batter as he hits a grand slam.

I have never been someone who likes watching sports on television, but there is nothing like being at a live sporting event, surrounded by all the people you love and care about.

For Fathers Day this year we all pitched in and bought tickets to the first Friday game in June. They were just GA seats, nothing special, but they were the perfect seats for us. The grass was nice and cool and Grayson could run around to his little hearts desire. He could not resist running up to the fence and yelling as someone threw or hit the ball.

We all got Hot Dogs, most of us opting for the Chicago or All-Star Dogs. The All-Star dogs were a foot long and loaded down with all kinds of peppers, onions and cheese- Scott and I both agreed we should have shared one, but Grayson enjoyed playing in the leftovers. He enjoyed eating Gigi's Dippin Dots and Aunt Ashli's snow cone even more, but that is to be expected of a one-year-old.

As the sun set behind the stadium and the great big flood lights filled the arena, the night sky looked beautiful, and the weather settled to a lovely 80 degrees. It was by far the perfect night in every way- we all laughed as we wore our mustaches (It was Mustache Day at the stadium and they handed one of these beauty's out to everyone who walked in the door), were given one of the official baseballs and had it signed by the Bee's Mascot, Bumble and in general just had the best time. If I had to pick one night this year to live over and over it would be this night. There was not a single moment I did not enjoy myself. It is one of the nights in my life I can honestly say was perfect, and I am filled with such gratitude that I have such wonderful people in my life. I feel truly blessed.

A letter to Grayson

It is so hard to believe that one year has gone by already. Where does the time go? Words cannot express how much I love you little boy. There are so many wonderful things about your personality that make you such a special person.

I cannot explain the fear that I felt when I saw you for the first time- I could tell something was wrong. They whisked you from me and over to a little table in the corner of the delivery room, and then before I knew it whisked you down to the NICU. A few hours later I was able to hold you for the first time, and from the moment I held you in my arms, struggling to get your breaths regulated, I knew you were a spirited individual. You are such a fighter, even when I wish you weren't (Like when we are trying to change your diaper or clothe you). You are stubborn and strong-willed, just like momma- you are my child, of this I have no doubt.

You have always been such a happy child. I have never seen any baby behave as gleefully as you do. your smiles are contagious, everywhere we go you brighten the lives of family, friends and strangers alike.

You are so loving. My favorite moments are when you crawl into my arms and nestle into me- though those moments are brief, as you are quick to get back to whatever activity you were doing, they are small little highlights that brighten any day.

You have touched so many lives, and you have only been with us for one year. Your extended family adores you, we can all spend hours just watching you play. You love being chased around the room, you find that hilarious, and you love cars more than any other little boy I have ever met. You love playing with toy cars, driving in the car, watching cars drive by be it on your walks with Mom and Dad or from the windows in our home. You love turning other inanimate objects into cars. If you are reading a book that even has a small car in the background of the illustration you point to it and make your infamous car noises.

You love music, and love to dance. Your favorite shows have music in them, if there is no music you are not interested. When we ride in the car together you try to sing with me as we listen to my favorite songs.

You are more than I ever expected, more than I ever deserved. I hope that I can continue to learn and grow as you do, to be the best mom for you I possibly can. Be patient with me, I am trying my best to do everything I can to make you happy, to help you feel safe and secure, to help you know that you are loved and wanted and needed.

I know you are going to be a great big brother, in that I have no doubt. I am so happy that I can provide you with a sibling, someone to get in trouble with, to share joys and heartaches with, to live and learn with. Some of my favorite memories are with my siblings, we have had such a special bond, and I hope that you can have the same quality of relationship with your siblings.

Most importantly, I want you to know that you are mine, that I will always love you, but that I share you with someone most important. I know that you are a child of God, you are the sweetest, most good-natured child, I know you are a gift to me from him. I thank him everyday that you came into my life, I can't remember life without you- you are so dear to me. I look forward to more smiles, laughter and joy in our home every day all because of you, my dear sweet Grayson.

Love,

Mama

Copycat Le Nonne Lemon Chicken

We are so proud of how this turned out, pretty darn near perfect. The recipe below includes the alterations I would make to make it even better (less butter and pound the chicken out just a tad thinner) but other than that I think we would be good competition.

Here is the recipe for the sauce first:

1/2 stick butter
3 T White Cooking Wine
1 T Capers
1 t. Caper sauce (just some of the sauce right out of the caper bottle)
Juice from two lemons (really get in there, you need every drop)

For the chicken, just pound out a chicken breast until it is about 1/8 inch thick (get it really really flat!) Then coat that with some flour. I used a frying pan and put enough oil in there just to coat the entire pan (about 3 Tablespoons) and heated that over medium heat. Once the oil was hot, I put the chicken breasts in. Do not flip until it looks completely white even from the top, that way you get a nice sear on the chicken. Then cook on the other side until it starts to develop a brown coating.

After the chicken was done, I simply put it in a serving bowl and dumped the sauce over it like you see in the photos above. That way the sauce had a little time to soak into the chicken while I seared the potatoes. I used the remaining oil to give them the brown sear, but I pretty much had them already cooked with the broccoli (I just tossed those in some water and let them boil together until they were soft, then I gave the potatoes a sear with the oil and added some salt, pepper and rosemary to them. With the broccoli, I just sprinkled a little salt on them and served).

Super easy, I was impressed, not too hard at all, and a big pay off for your taste buds. My next goal is to copycat the Pear Pasta....I will let you know if I succeed.